Every day, I will share something that makes me think 'Wish You Were Here.'

Monday, December 31, 2012

December 31/12

Happy New Year's Eve!

It's my favourite holiday of the year because it's a time for looking back and letting go, as well as a time for looking to the future and what the year to come could bring.

So to you all, I hope 2012 was kind to you, and I wish you all the best for 2013.

A brand new year...

...Wish you were here.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

December 30/12

After a lazy day yesterday, Etienne wanted to get out of the house today, but I took one look outside at the frigid winter winds, blowing snow around, and I would say a snowball had a better chance in hell than I did of going out and about in town.  However I could see he was getting a little bored and I decided to bite the bullet and suggest a dinner out.  He went for the idea, partly because we are running low on grocery components to make full, proper suppers, partly because he could get a gluten-free beer, and I sort of think a small part was that I hadn't really left the house (except for a 20 minute run to the market for milk and bread) since...Boxing Day?  Did I really not leave the house after then?

I admit that I become a total hermit in the winter.  While it's true that I am a sufferer of seasonal affective depression, an isolating condition in and of itself, to be honest, I don't go out in the winter because I hate winter with a passion.  I hate being cold all the time, I hate trying to walk in the snow and ice, and I really, really, really hate the wind.  So it happens that I could be quite content to stay in as much as possible during these awful winter months.

Summer...

...Wish you were here.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

December 29/12

Sometimes, it's better to leave things to fate.

Tonight, as winter blustered outside, Etienne and I were bored inside.  There is only so much European football and junior/spengler cup hockey that can be consumed before something else really needs to happen, lest we lose our minds.  We clearly weren't going out, and there wasn't anything on TV.  No interest in board games or video games, movies became our only option, but neither of us knew what to watch.  We have easily more than 300 movies of DVD and Blu-ray, but we weren't inspired by anything because there was too much choice.

So we left it up to the roll of the dice.

For Birthmas, I gave Etienne a couple of party games, including a game of dice with pictograms on them.  The idea is to roll the dice and tell or create a story based on the pictogram.  A die was cast, and the pictogram was a flashlight.  We had a theme!

From there, I went about selecting 8 or 9 films based on the theme of the flashlight: the choices were dark or suspenseful or heavily featured the actual use of flashlights.  At least one selection had to be a movie Etienne hadn't seen before (a lot of my collection fits that criteria), and one of the films was ruled out because it needed a Region two player, which was in the bedroom, so we whittled the choice down to Hot Fuzz, Dark City, and Cloverfield.  Etienne hadn't seen either Dark City or Cloverfield, so check and check!

The movie choices aside, we've discovered a fantastic way to break the deadlock or find inspiration.

Pictogram dice...

...Wish you were here.

Friday, December 28, 2012

December 28/12

This is going to be a strange one to read because it's going to lack details.  This one's entirely about feelings.

About 15 years ago, something happened that threw the world I knew into a tailspin.  I felt betrayed, angry, confused, uncertain, heartbroken, and I needed a lifeline.  It took months to get over the shock, and years to recover from this event and the resulting fallout.  Life had changed, people in my life had changed, and I grew to accept certain realities and facts, even becoming fairly nonchalant about things. 

Then tonight, like some bad replay, the same circumstances appeared to arise once more, and I fell to pieces again, though not as dramatically as I did as a sheltered 19 year old.  Now 34 and more experienced at living with the fallout from 15 years ago, I didn't feel confused or uncertain, but the feeling of betrayal was so overwhelming this time. 

Within a short time, things changed for the better, but residuals feelings have me seriously questioning the concept of trust.  My feeling of betrayal has largely given way to worry.  I worry about the future.

Facing uncertainty...

...Wish you were here.


Thursday, December 27, 2012

December 27/12

Tonight, someone started a rumor that Chief Theresa Spence went into cardiac arrest and was rushed to the hospital.  This is not true.  

The First Nations chief currently on a hunger strike to protest the Harper Government™ Aboriginal agenda is fine, she is still on Victoria Island, and all is well.

For a few moments as I tried to verify the claim on any news source, I pondered the consequences of the claim being true.  Should Chief Spence suffer seriously or die without having been acknowledged by Stephen Harper himself, I don't know what will happen, but I have a feeling it will not be good.  While the Idle No More movement has been largely peaceful and law-abiding, there are definitely elements of the movement that would spark for sure should she be totally ignored and come to harm.

Instead of thinking of such things, I continue to encourage my fellow Canadians to support Idle No More and Chief Spence, as the issues they are protesting affect all Canadians, particularly regarding the waterways protections being dropped.

An end to the madness of Bill C-45...

...Wish you were here.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

December 26/12

New Year's Eve is my favourite day of the year.  I know it's dead in the middle of winter, and that it quite often ends in a hangover the next day, but I like new beginnings, as well as the one opportunity a year to get all dressed up and play at being sophisticated adults. 

But after New Year's Eve, my second favourite day of the year is Boxing Day.  I'm *so good* at this day.  I always have a plan, I'm usually there just after 8 am and usually done by noon.  I know what stores I prefer, what I'm looking for, and I know what stores to avoid (poor "deals", price point issues).  I have snacks, and I wear clothes/shoes that are easier to get into and out of in order to cut down on fitting room time.  Hell, even my choice of under garments is chosen according to the type of clothing I plan to try on.  When it comes to Boxing Day shopping, I'm a strategic mastermind executing a well-planned campaign.

I admit I have a shopping problem, though in the last year and a half, a precarious financial situation has deprived me of most opportunities to practice my craft (a cruel irony, given that I am, umm..."growing as an individual", and can't properly fit into much of my current wardrobe).  Well, this time out, circumstances have been more fortunate, and I was successful; I made it out of Rideau Centre before the crowds even arrived, conquered The Bay with ease and aplomb, and with the help of gift certificates to two of the best stores in Ottawa (Victoire and Wolf & Zed), I walked away with those signature pieces that people always notice and compliment.  Fancy will remain fancy for another year.  That's right people...Boxing Day got PWNED.

More money...

...Wish you were here.

December 25/12

Man, when Ottawa shuts down for xmas, it doesn't screw around.  Unfortunately, that means when you are out walking around downtown on a freezing xmas day, there is nowhere to step in and warm up.  Etienne's uncle came in from Montreal last night to spend the night, and today, out of both boredom and good-hosting, it was decided that we'd walk around and show him some of the sights of Ottawa.  Yeah, that's doesn't work out well when the sights are closed; at best, we showed him the outside of a bunch of sights.

I find Ottawa is a boring city as it is.  Once you've seen the main sights (National Gallery of Canada, Museum of Civilization, Bytown Market, Parliament Hill, the Canal), there's really not much else to do.  If you love hiking and biking and outdoor pursuits, there is plenty to enjoy, and if you're a family-oriented person, the small-city feeling with safe suburbs is right up your alley.  But if a bicycle is lost on you, and settling down isn't in the immediate future (or distant future, for that matter), well, Ottawa's probably not for you.

Between the cold and the closed-down city, I trudged on, desperately wishing I could move back to Vancouver, or move on to somewhere bigger, more urban, and maybe not so bloody cold!

A chance to escape...

...Wish you were here.

December 24/12

I can never hope to understand how some people can enjoy cooking.  So much work and prep, and on my case, the results are moderately good at best.

In my family, there are degrees of talent in the kitchen.  My oldest brother is a cook by profession; it goes without saying that he's got the talent amongst us kids.  It's somewhat situationally ironic that he went into cooking, as he's prone to stress and cooking is a highly stressful job, but none the less, you give the man a good supply of food and cooking aids, he will put together a delicious multi-course meal.  In recent years, his daughter has shown an interest in and knack for baking.

At the other end of the spectrum, there's my sister, whose cooking, um...deficiencies, are legendary.  We used to joke that she could find a way to mess up boiling water, and if you know her, you've seen her not-infrequent references on facebook to burnt, bland, or boring food.  We've all jokingly begged of her husband on facebook that he stop letting her in the kitchen for fear that she will burn the house down.  Our mother has tried to help out with gifts of George Foreman grills and such to help manage cooking better, but my sister's misfortunes in the kitchen are what they are: a reality.  In the last few years, her youngest son has had a mishap or two in the kitchen that might indicate he will follow in her footsteps.

Then somewhere in between, there's me.  In my junior high, Home Economics was a requirement, and though it's evident I can't sew to save my life (besides repairing holes and replacing buttons...I'm hella good at that), I wasn't a miserable cook, and given the right recipe I'm capable, though uninspired.  And that's what I did tonight.  While Etienne worked hard on a macaroni and cheese recipe that turned out to be quite delightful, I competently managed a pineapple ham and didn't screw up a tray of rice krispie treats.  After all that work, to arrive at edible, competent food just doesn't seem worth all the effort.

A paid cook (for me and my sister)...

...Wish you were here.

December 23/12

We are hosting Etienne's uncle tomorrow for xmas eve, so today was all about cleaning up.  For about three hours, we scrubbed, vacuumed, swept, washed, tidied, and in between, I raced up and down stairs doing laundry in the basement.  By the time it was done, I had a house I could proudly invite company into.

If you're yawning about this entry, you're forgiven, because this is not the stuff of a terribly exciting day. 

A paid house cleaner...

...Wish you were here.

December 22/12

Let's subtitle this one:

The Curious Case of why the fuck did Benjamin Button get a movie?

Sometimes I'm confused by the choices that Hollywood makes regarding movies.

Tonight, for lack of anything better on TV, Etienne decided to put on The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  He got the DVD, along with some other real celluloid bombs, as part of a Basement Xmas gift exchange at work, so the good news is we did not pay a cent for it.

The movie is based on a short story, so first, Etienne and I were baffled that (a) this short story was made into a movie, (b) this movie was 2 hours 45 minutes long, and (c) this long movie based on a short story turned out to be a pointless, self-indulgent love story that could have been told in an irrelevant short story instead.

What the hell was Hollywood thinking? 

Explain that one to me...

...Wish you were here.

December 21/12

Today I was Idle No More, and I promise to stay that way.

I joined the assembly at Victoria Island that marched to Parliament hill in support of the Idle No More movement and Chief Teresa Spence because I do not support Bill C-45, nor do I support the Harper Government™ agenda related to Aboriginals, the environment, and a host of social issues.

It was encouraging to see so many people there.  As we began the march, I could see somewhere in the neighbourhood of a thousand people, not all Aboriginals, gather in a long ribbon of people, and as we marched, buses of more people who were just arriving would stop and those people would join us. 

But I have to admit, there were things said that really bothered me.  At one point, one of the young men with a megaphone would chant "Whose land?" and the crowd would respond "Our land!" which troubled me because I thought the idea was that the First Nations see themselves as the stewards of the land, not the owners of it.  Perhaps they chanted "Our land" in the sense of this being the land of the people, not Harper's personal stash to dole out as he wills it.  If that's the case, I'm okay with that, but I sensed that there were those among the crowd were chanting "Our land" believing that the stewardship we speak of actually means ownership.

No other movements have coalesced to fight Bill C-45 and it's awful legislation on waterways, so this fight picked by Idle No More and Aboriginals is an opportunity for Canadians to join the fight.

Exercising our rights...

...Wish you were here.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

December 20/12

Gawd, this is one of those weeks when something big is happening at the end of it, and it just seems like the anticipation is completely slowing the drag of linear time to a crawl.  I hate when that happens.  When you are waiting for something, time just drags on and seems to stop all together, but when you need more time for something, suddenly there is never enough. 

It's been a long and draining month and a half, and with the exception of a half-day on Monday, I am looking at near total rest and relaxation starting Friday evening, all the way through to the evil morning of January 2nd.

Last year, I couldn't take any time off due to an HR hiccup with my vacation and sick time, so being one of the few corporeal bodies left in the building over the holidays meant I got assigned to a particularly gruesome, nasty file that literally drove me to contemplate running away and creating a new identity in order to never have to come back to work again.  We got through the very, very worst of it (dark days, my friends...literally...I left work at 9:30 pm a few times) by March, but I swore to myself and to anyone who listened that I would not be in the building for the holidays this year, so as to avoid any possibility of a scenario where a file comes along and 'hey, it's quiet, so it's a good time to start this awful thing!" cropping up again. 

I kept my promise, and my vacation leave was approved, so of course all I have to do is get through tomorrow (big things happening, stay tuned) and Monday morning, and I'll be free!

Dark days (literally)...

...Wish you were here.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

December 19/12

No matter how much you tell yourself that you need to put in effort to deal with someone with whom you have a personality conflict, you just can't help but feel smug when those moments occur which vindicate your point of view.

Today, I was dealing with a product that I've gone round for round with someone over, and I received the signal that I was right earlier this week, not the other person.  It's petty, and I knew it instantly, but you would not believe how much that vindication bolstered my faltering mental well-being. 

Work has been a large source of stress, and the discomfort I feel due to certain working relationships has really aggravated this year's bout of seasonal depression, but the good news is it is nowhere near the scale of utter despair that working at INAC gave me, so there is still hope that solutions could be found to resolve my current situation.

The adult in me recognizes how petty it is to silently gloat over someone in an adversarial position about being right, but the little devil on my shoulder doesn't care!

Solutions to personality conflicts...

...Wish you were here.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

December 18/12

I got spoiled today!

When I went down to collect Etienne at hometime, I didn't notice a big black bag on his desk until he handed it to me; it contained a medium sized present, brightly decorated in Winnie the Pooh xmas paper, for me!  Another Birthmas offering :)

I lugged it home, all excited to know what it was, but when I got here, I was surprised again by a package waiting by the front door, for me!  Since Etienne didn't know anything about it, I knew that meant it had to be from Baby K and her house of boys, which meant it was my birfday/xmas present...hot damn!  After the unhappy day at work, two surprises!

Etienne was concerned about the package from my sister, as it was from Amazon.ca, and he had placed an order just today, so I ripped right into that one first.  Baby K. and her boys had given me the Blu-ray of To Kill a Mockingbird, and a hard cover copy of the book.  While this might not sound exciting to some people, you have to understand that I LOVE reading, and that book was one of the few from my mandatory reading in high school that really and truly appealed to me (along with The Chrysalids by John Wyndham).  I had to read some horribly awful "classics" in high school, such as The Lord of the Flies, which I hated so much, I refused to finish it, and actually took zeroes on the assignments for that unit in English; but Mockingbird is something special.  The themes of youth and innocence, mixed with racism and benevolence...how could this story not touch my heart and mind?

It turned out that Etienne had ordered these for me as well, but luckily, he had only just done so, and was able to cancel those items before the order had been filled. 

As if those gifts weren't enough to nudge me on a sentimental journey through time, Etienne's gift tripped a full-blown nostalgia: he had given me a home BINGO game!  Complete with the little balls and the cage, a set of cards, chips, and a ball board.

You see, as a little girl in the North, Bingo played a significant role in my life.  Mummy called Bingo for the local TV station on weekends to earn some extra cash, while I sat with Gramma, playing it.  I remember thinking about how important I was because my Mummy was on TV, and I loved playing Bingo with Gramma, who started to buy me my own cards as I got older and could sit through a game.  I can remember running from the back wing of the seniors' home where Gramma lived to the front wing to buy cards for Gramma on Saturdays.  On at least one occasion, Mummy took me to the station with her, and I watched Bingo being called live in the tiny storefront studio of the local broadcaster.  There were very few leisure activities available in small town NWT on those frozen sub-Arctic weekends, but Bingo was one of them, and its prevalence in the community has woven itself into my memories,

So many wonderful memories...

...Wish you were here.

Monday, December 17, 2012

December 17/12

Holy fuck, I'm just had my ass handed to me in the worst Scrabble drubbing I've ever experienced.  Etienne started the game with a bingo bonus, and from there, it got so much worse.  I don't recall how poorly I did, but his final score?  408. 

The luck of the draw was not on my side, as every time I reached into the bag, more fucking vowels came out, taunting me with their high-usage/low-value properties.

I never should have taught him to play defensively.

Board game dominance...

...Wish you were here.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

December 16/12

Tonight, I bothered to reach out and speak to a politician.  Why?  Because I didn't feel like being patronized.

Senator Patrick Brazeau is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I would expect that he would have even the most rudimentary understanding of why First Nations (and Aboriginals, writ large) are very upset by the passage of bill C-45, an omnibus which included changes to the Indian Act, but more crucially allowed for protections to be removed to 2.5 million waterways in Canada.  As usual, whenever he wants to prove he isn't actually very good at his job as a Senator, he took to Twitter to pick a fight about the actual legislation regarding the changes to the Indian Act included in C-45, possibly hoping to deflect from the real issue which is the lack of consultation with Aboriginals on the waterways changes. 

You might be wondering why the government would have to consult with Aboriginals, and as simply as possible, this is why: waterways are an essential component of many activities, practices, and traditions of the Aboriginal peoples (e.g. hunting, trapping, fishing) that are integral to the distinctive culture of Aboriginal peoples, and time and time again since the Constitution has come into effect, multiple courts have ruled on and upheld findings that the government has a duty to consult under section 35 with respect to said activities, practices and traditions related to hunting, trapping, fishing, and land claims.

When the government goes and removes environmental protections to all by 82 lakes in Canada, that opens the door to activities which can and may actually impinge on or harm the rights of Aboriginals to pursue their traditional activities.

Of course it's difficult to say all of that in 140 characters, but I made it my business to inform Mr. Brazeau that we're on to his deflection tactic of pointing to Indian Act changes on voting on land surrenders to distract from the real issue of duty to consult, not because I disagree with the omnibus and find the rationale for it (Jobs and Growth) to be precarious and suspect, but because he was doing it in just the most patronizing and obtuse fashion.

At one point, he asked someone how many pages C-45 was, as if that somehow proves whether or not someone has read the whole thing--for someone who fancies himself to be social media savvy, he hasn't quite caught on to this google thing (by the way, there are 430 pages per the Queen's Printer)--even if I haven't read a lot of sections (including truly drear tax code changes and changes to PRPP), I'm smart enough to google and find the PDF of the Bill and read (1 of 430) at the top of my Adobe Reader toolbar.  Hell, I even went so far as to find the pages (226-229) of the bill related to his deflecting argument.  Yes, Mr. Brazeau, it appears you found the magical bullet of asking for a page count to prove whether the document has been read or not.

Senators who aren't bad at their job...

...Wish you were here.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

December 15/12

I hate it when I lose my day to a migraine.

All of my mother's kids are migraine sufferers, but my brother and I don't even come close to the migraines that plague our sister.  She has frequent and very painful migraines since she was three years old.  Growing up in our house, we learned not to make a big deal out of things like holidays and stuff because stress could trigger an episode.  I remember when I was barely in my teens, my sister took me aside at home one time, and showed me an injector, and taught me how to inject her with a therapy she was trying, just in case our mother wasn't home to do it.  To this day, she could end up in the emergency room at any time to have the symptoms treated, and she's on a regime of pharmaceuticals, as well as having taken part in experimental therapies throughout her life.

My oldest brother and I managed for most of our lives to go without, but when I was about 19, I started experiencing them.  Around the same time, he and I talked about our symptoms, and we arrived at the conclusion that we were occasional migraine sufferers.  His are more frequent than mine, but not as frequent as our sister's, and not as painful, given that she suffers the worst of us all. 

Yup.  Today I woke up with a migraine.  This one took several hours to subside, but with ibuprofen and ice and heat and voltarin and tiger balm and rest, I finally won, but I lost my whole morning and a big chunk of my afternoon. 

A cure for migraines...

...Wish you were here.

Friday, December 14, 2012

December 14/12

What can I say today?  I said it best earlier in one of my tweets...

"My heart is so, so broken right now by what happened in Newtown, CT. All those innocent children, all those dedicated educator"

Details are still somewhat sketchy, but at this point, 20 sweet babies have been murdered, along with 6 staff, and the gunman is dead, along with another person associated with the gunman.

I will never understand why...

...Wish you were here.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

December 13/12

Today is Sergei Federov's birfday.  Happy birfday, former Red Winger!

Back in his heyday with the Red Wings, I once read a sports writer's analysis of the value Federov brought to the team, and what stuck out most in the article and in my mind was that this writer noted that, due to his *monster* sized contract, it worked out that Sergei Federov was being paid USD$666 per minute that he was on the ice.

Per.  Minute.

Hot damn, you don't even what to know how many hours it would take me to gross that amount, and I'm pretty well paid.  I'm called upon to make decisions that will impact on the lives and livelihoods of Canadians, a responsibility I take very seriously, and it works out to roughly just short of three days at my current salary to earn what he did in a minute of ice time, playing a game.  I can only gasp in despair to think of how many weeks it would have taken me to earn $666 when I worked for just above minimum wage and struggled through university on three jobs so I could attain the education I would need to go on to the life I lead now.

I don't begrudge him his good fortune, he worked hard to get to the top of the league, but when I think of how much we as a society not only condone the outrageous salaries of professional athletes, but further compensate them with adoration and adulation, I just know that there's something really f'ing wonky about that situation.

Priorities...

...Wish you were here.

December 12/12

Today is supposed to be 12/12/12.  I guess it's something special, something about yin and yang being in balance more than any other time, but if that's the case, I wonder what yang there is to balance my yin headache.

Almost from the time I came home from work, I'd had a stupid headache, so there's got to be some good counterbalancing it.  I know it has to exist, if Taoism has any sway with you, but right now, I'm not capable of finding it.

Pain relief...

...Wish you were here.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

December 11/12

I guess the cat is out of the bag.  After years of going below the radar to most people, it's quietly become public knowledge that I do in fact have a birfday. 

Another year...

...Wish you were here.

December 10/12

My gramma was born on December 11th, and since her death, for a very, very significant reason known to myself and a few people, that day has been the hardest day for me to deal with.  Every year since 2001, I've struggled with my grief.  I couldn't call her and cheerfully wish her a happy birthday, and hear her voice and her laugh.  Even now, I tear up thinking about it.

Tonight, just when I thought I had given up the ghost finally, it became clear that I will always have a whole in my heart on that day.  I had hoped that it would hurt less with each passing year, but I suppose, given the circumstances, it never really goes away.

To Christine, my namesake...

...Wish you were here.


Sunday, December 9, 2012

December 9/12

Writer's Block: a condition in which an author loses the ability to produce new work.

Or, if you are a writer who has faced the block before, you won't mind me calling it what it really is: Creativity making us its bitch.

Several months ago I started a short poem which I had hoped to finish in time for a particular event, but it remains unfinished as a combination of stress, depression, and lack of creativity has sort of sucked away my will to write.  These days, I write stuff for work, and after a long day of struggling over endless edits of a House Card, I have nothing left for more pleasurable pursuits such as creative writing.  

This weekend, I pulled out that taunting piece, determined to finish it, but alas, it wasn't until a half hour ago that I even cracked the book to look at it once more.  I made some minor edits to fix the cadence, but I'm afraid I'm no closer to finding the right way to express exactly what I am trying to say.

A solution...

...Wish you were here.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

December 8/12

'Tis the season to be baffled.

I dragged poor Etienne around downtown for about 4 hours this afternoon, trying to spend $50.  It could not be done.  The things I wanted to buy were well beyond the $50 mark, and the things I could afford, I would have to line up for at least 10 minutes or more to pay for.  That's the trouble with having a birfday so close to xmas; I doubt anyone would be nearly as irritated about shopping for a birfday present on a Saturday in June as they would be on a Saturday in December.

At the end of the day, I walked home with my $50 still tucked away in my wallet.

Bummer...

...Wish you were here.

Friday, December 7, 2012

December 7/12

The theme of my day seems to have been "Son of a bitch, how can people be this stupid?!?!?"  It's a sentiment that can be applied to so many things I've read/heard today.  I won't go into great detail, but a brief, non-exhaustive list of moments where I experienced this theme in action includes:
  1. Two Australian DJs committed a stupid, immature, and thoughtless prank on the hospital where the Duchess of Cambridge is receiving treatment that has resulted in one of the nurses committing suicide...the prank itself was stupid, but the apparent lack of understanding that they could seriously harm the jobs/livelihoods of people really shows these people haven't got the first clue about empathy;
  2. In the wake of the suicide, people are trying to justify or absolve the Australian DJs of responsibility for the prank and the subsequent suicide, which genuinely makes me fear that empathy is becoming extinct;
  3. Listening to that fucktard Rick Santorum give the most blatantly bullshit, pathetic excuse for swaying Republican senators to vote against ratifying the UN treaty of persons with disabilities (Read up on it...this scumbag goes in several different, incoherent directions which just proves he has no understanding of law or how it works, despite having a law degree);
  4. Jim DeMint; enough said.
I could go on, but you get the idea.  It hasn't been a bad day for me; but it has been one of those days where I've seen and heard enough stupidity to really give me pause to wonder and worry about the fate of humanity.

More understanding...

...Wish you were here.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

December 6/12

I'll admit, I'm not the easiest employee to manage on occasion.  Unfortunately today was just such an occasion.

We have to do these ridiculous performance and learning agreements at work, which are not structured very well, and so are a real pain in the ass task that just gets in the way of me doing actual work.  In the past, under my former manager, this task was still unpleasant, but she was good at managing me through it, and we were both okay with the final product.

This year, I have a new manager, and she and I do not have the easiest working relationship.  I've gone from enjoying a rather high level of trust under my former manager to being managed in a way that makes me feel as though I'm being marginalized, and my experience and expertise challenged.  These circumstances are not lending themselves to an easy outcome on this performance and learning agreement situation, and unfortunately, when this kind of tense meeting occurs, the result is my mood goes to shit for the rest of the day.  If it wasn't for the holiday party that followed this meeting, I would be an unbearable bitch right now. 

I'm making an effort to be productive and helpful, and so far it's paying off by way of a better working relationship with my new director than I anticipated.  Recently, I really questioned the value and purpose of a proposed projects, but if it must go forward, I hope I put forward constructive critiques and suggestions for making it a stronger product.  This director is willing to work with me in a way that we're both comfortable with.  So I swear, I am trying!  I'm not always successful, but hey, Rome wasn't built in a day.

More patience...

...Wish you were here.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

December 5/12

Wheeeee!  The best part about celebrating with someone is that even when you part ways for the evening, you are filled with enough joy (and in my case, liquor!) to keep that feeling of celebration going.

Today is my friend's birfday!  He and I go all the way back to our University of Alberta Model United Nations days, and as it happens, we have been lucky enough to maintain contact and see each other on occasion.  While this in itself is enough for a WYWH moment, it's actually the funny part that happened after that I'm talking about tonight.

After we left the birfday drinks, Etienne and I headed to the Sir John A. for food.  Not long after we were seated, I noticed that a colleague/friend was sitting at a table near by, having drinks with his friends.  He's a nice guy, and we always exchange hellos when we pass by each other at work.  We've been out in social settings with him, but generally the drinking for all happens concurrently; I've never run into him when he appears already well on his way.  He spotted us after a while, and for some inexplicable reason, he got up to head over in our direction, and oddly, I stood up in response.  In one of those "Is this happening?" moments, he and I hugged.  What the hell, right!  We're all feeling jolly!  But it was funny, because never before did it occur to either of us to hug.

You really have to smile at those unexpected moments in life...

...Wish you were here.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

December 4/12

I'm sorry, but I'm about to get indian on your asses.

Today, something extraordinary happened.  Today, the First Nations in this country served notice to the Federal government that it has gone a step too far.

As I speak tonight, parliament is voting on amendments to bill C-45, an omnibus, so-called "Budget Part 2" bill which, like all other similar omnibus bills of the Harper Government™, goes beyond what any reasonable person would consider to be budget items, and includes legislation that it shouldn't.  This time around, the big item being rammed through is an act to remove environmental protections for 2.5 million waterways in Canada.  When all is said and done, 82 lakes and waterways in this country will be protected, and wouldn't you know it, 90% of those left protected just happen to be in Conservative ridings, particularly those of the "Lake Country" variety.  Toadslime Tony Clement's riding alone gets 10 of those protected lakes.

The not-so-funny thing is that this is being rammed through without proper consultations with Aboriginals, which, in case you aren't familiar with the Canadian constitution/context, are a legal requirement under the constitution (Section 35).  All laws must be vetted to determine if they will significant;y impact on Aboriginal rights.  And seeing as how fishing, hunting, and trapping are considered traditional Aboriginal activities that are protected by treaty rights, you can guess how the First Nations might be a little ticked now that the waterways that provide them with their bounties are now vulnerable to environmental intrusions.

Furthermore, this obligation to consult has been upheld by the Supreme Court of Canada in Mikisew v. Regina.  So really, I have no fucking clue why the government thought they'd be able to get this one by Canadians in general, and Aboriginals in particular.

Tonight, I watched as a group of Chiefs entered Parliament and demanded that Natural Resources Minister Joe Oliver listen to them.  He had least had the courtesy to come out and listen as Chief Wallace Fox of Onion Lake First Nation served his ass with notice that this will not be allowed to come to pass, but in response, he gave a rather pathetic rendition of his Question Period cards by rote, and was called out for it as being disrespectful.  He returned to the Chambers, and some of the Chiefs, clearly frustrated, tried to enter the chambers, but were stopped by a security guard.

This whole episode brought back that awful feeling in my stomach that I used to get when I worked for INAC.  It was the feeling of hatred and self-loathing.  I am a woman of both First Nations and Metis descent, and it just disgusted me to my core to work at INAC and know how little care or respect this government has for Aboriginals.

Tonight, I feel fiercely proud of those Chiefs.  It doesn't take Aboriginal ancestry to feel it...any Canadian who opposes the government's agenda with regards to waterways should feel it too.  Tonight, a group of Canadians let us all know they were done with being ignored.

Pride...

...Wish you were here.

Monday, December 3, 2012

December 3/12

I'd like to apologize to the Canadian taxpayers tonight.  This morning, it took some unknown force that I've never felt before to drag my tired ass out of bed and get ready for work.  It wasn't will power, or a desire to go to work--I wasn't pushing myself to achieve or rearing to go.  There's no way to describe this mystery force; the closest I can come is an apathetic sense of obligation.  It was automatic.

The problem is that this is not the most conducive state to work in, and I'm afraid I wasted your tax dollars today, staring at a deck.  I managed to get to page 8 of the deck...around 3:30.  And I honestly can't remember much of today, which means I did not accomplish much today.  It's so bad, whatever is going on, that I had to take out the garbage and recycling this evening to feel like I've done anything of any value today.

A sense of purpose...

...Wish you were here.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

December 2/12

Today is my dad's 65th birfday (it's official...he's a senior citizen!), and one thing that has usually meant in my house growing up was it was the day to haul out the xmas tree and decorate.  I'm not sure when that's happened, but it became something of a tradition for a while.

Unfortunately, I spent many xmases in the service of the retail sector, and it's been policy everywhere I've worked that come store opening on November 12th, up go the decorations and on go the endless, maddening xmas carols on repeat.  In an 8 hour shift, you could hear 6 or so versions of Jingle Bells, or the same version 6 times.  That, plus some of the most obnoxious behaviour from customers is enough to make one really reconsider the value of xmas, or in some cases, even despise the damn holiday.  I think you can guess how it turned out for me.

I've been working on accepting xmas cheer since I've escaped the retail sector, but in truth, I don't think I'll ever reach the point of enjoyment that I had when I was young and innocent and retail-free. 

My box of xmas stuff is down in the basement, just waiting for me to pick it up and get things going.  But I suppose I'm having trouble with getting into the spirit this year, with my financial woes and battling a worse-than-normal bout of seasonal depression this year.

The Spirit of the Holidays...

...Wish you were here.

December 1/12

Every year, millions of people around the world mark December 1st with remembrances and marches, all with the best of intentions, to remember World HIV/AIDS Day.  Also with the best of intentions, we hear world leaders and activists speak in ubiquitous platitudes about the fight against HIV/AIDS, both the disease and the stigma, and how we will win.

This year was no different, except that I started seeing headlines saying that 'X person' believes being HIV/AIDS free is a generation away.  And I started to get truly uneasy about it.  Sure, medical and scientific advances are moving along at a relatively fast clip, but how can people say we will be a generation away when we can't get current generations to understand the least simple ideas of sex education?

On Friday, ThinkProgress.org released a story about Mississippi's governor Phil Bryant arguing that teens don't care about birth control; well, Phil, you and the evangelical community reap what you sow.  Mississippi experiences the highest rate of teen pregnancy, and I would bet my last dollar that the state's rate of STIs among teens is also not something to brag about. 

What's the link between wiping out AIDS in a generation and teen pregnancy in Mississippi?  Simply this: we will never overcome the spread of HIV/AIDS as long as people remain woefully uneducated or criminally misled about Birth Control.  When you are taught that condoms *increase* the spread of HIV, so you'd better just be abstinent, you are not going to seek out birth control.  And that, folks, will lead not only to more babies having babies, but more STIs and HIV getting around.  It's going to take a generational overhaul from top to bottom, all generations alive today, to meet this idea that AIDS will be beaten in a generation.

The fight needs to continue.

Proper Sex Education...

...Wish you were here.